This Blog Is Going Terribly...

So I'll cut the lies, because I probably won't post often at all once school starts.  Oh stop it, this hurts me more than it hurts you (not really).

So what happened since last Friday...?  Oh yes, the tree chopping fiasco of Saturday morn.

I suppose I'll start from the beginning.  Russell Melland is a wonderful guy in the U3 singles ward.  One day at work, Russell gets friendly with a client who shares her woeful tales of mid-summer yard care in southern Arizona, and he gets to thinking, "Yard work is tough on a adult female, but it's no problem for young 20 year old guys right!?"

Wrong.

Then Russell starts rounding up a crew to help out this nice lady and I am just as eager to help out as a dog who sees a leash in hand.  So I offer my services in exchange for a carpool to this woman's dwelling place.  Along the way, we discuss the vague details Russell had been given concerning the type of assistance we would be giving.  As I understood it, there was a tree to be removed, probably no larger than an old sapling, maybe some hedges to trim, grass to mow, and possibly some cows to milk or sheep to shear.  You know? the basics of homeownership...

And then we pull up to the place.

Not only is all of the landscaping in the style of southwest desert (i.e. rock everywhere, extremely low maintanence), but the "sapling" was a 40 foot behemoth whose leaves seemed to emit audible laughter at us when the breeze blew.  Not surprised, and with unshaken constitution, I retrieved approximately 3.57 dynamite sticks from my backpack, placed the charges at the base of the tree, recited the twelve points of the scout law like a good eagle scout (making sure to mention the motto, something about being prepared if I remember), and then I huffed, and I puffed, and I BLEW THAT TREE UP!!!

Okay you win, the last half of that paragraph was complete and utter absurdity.  However, the fact remains that we had this 40 foot tree to tackle with a ladder, rope, and 16-inch chainsaw.  So I set up shop with the ladder at the base of this tree and Russell is all too excited to hop on up and take the chainsaw to that first major limb while I steady the base.  As the chainsaw cuts threw this wood like butter, I realize that the limb is going to snap off backwards toward the ladder.  Too late.  It snaps and hits the ladder, shaking it while Russell is standing above me with a chainsaw... this looks bad.  But it turned out fine so we clear that limb away from the tree and head up along the trunk toward the top of the tree.

By this time, some pedestrians stop across the street to watch us college kids take on mother nature.  And at that point, I was pretty nervous because when you gain an audience, that means these spectators think that maybe there is a good chance for some entertainment, namely the mangled bloody gore of a chainsaw falling on my skull.  No big deal right?  Anyway, before we start cutting the next limb, Brennan shows up.

I love Brennan, and so that's why Russell and I decided to have him cut the next limb from the top of the ladder.  Some say this is because he wasn't jaded from the near catastrophic events of the first limb, I say it's because there was absolutely no way I was going to cut it.  HAHA! I won this round right? Wrong again.  For some reason I had ended up stabilizing the ladder again.  Also, Brennan was comforted by the fact that there was a trampoline he could bail out onto if need be.  In my mind, the fact that a flying chainsaw could be involved, completely counteracts any safety bonus offered by an elastic jumping apparatus.  Needless to say, the branch hits the ladder again I envision a gruesome death involving Brennan throwing the chainsaw onto the trampoline which bounces it into my (gorgeous) face.  But all was well.

Now at this point, we've just gotten borderline cocky.  Also, I don't believe anyone was in control anymore, there was just like this mob mentality that was like "AWW YEAH, WE'RE GONNA MURDER THIS TREE!"  The intense bloodlust was apparent to "Nice Lady" that we were helping who was obviously at like 1000 points on her "nervous-o-meter".  So we tie a rope to the next limb and cut through that one while pulling the limb away from the house with the rope and praying that it doesn't fall on her house.  Alright, so we're three for three.

Now, Russell just hops off the ladder at the tree's canopy.  He is not on the ladder anymore, he is freestanding in this tree where the top most branches are.  Easily 30 feet in height.  NBD... And he just chops down two more limbs.  At this point, it's 11 o'clock.  We've been here since 8 in the morning andLauren and I have to get to work at noon.  Sidenote, Lauren has been cracking jokes about this tree all morning and it's just been hilarious.  She's funny.

Anyway, tensions are high, we are going to get this tree cut down to size before we leave.  So Russel makes this plan to finish up, and Brennan and I think he's gonna start taking down the trunk in sections which makes perfect sense in this residential area.  Oh what's that Russell?  We're just going to go at it near the base now?  Haha, okay buddy right behind you... heaven knows we haven't pushed our luck enough today....  Keep in mind, this tree is still 40 feet tall, albeit very much naked, but still 40 feet.  It's obviously between two and three feet in diameter at the base and we have a 16-inch saw.  What's the worst that could happen? I won't tell you...

So Todd Balls (Yeah, that's his last name, get over it) is now cutting out this wedge at the base of the tree when Brennan, Lauren, and I decide it's time to take off.  So we peace out with half of the base of this tree gone.  At church the next day, I ask Russell how the rest of it went and he informs me that the tree is still standing, stable, and that they left about a half hour after we had.

Moral of the story:  Haha, yeah, like you could learn anything useful from this...

Anyway, so the score stands at:
Tree: 1     Rag-tag team of determined young men: 1/2 (of a tree base, to be exact...)

That was Saturday.  We've got seven more days to cover, let's go...

Actually, I didn't do too much the rest of the week.  As far as mission papers, I just need a stake president interview now.  For those of you curious, I really don't care where I go, I just want to go foreign speaking.  Hopefully a useful foreign speaking mission, and preferably Spanish.  That's all I have to say about that.

Chloe moved in on Friday! I mean, to her apartment in Tucson for school at the U of A.  It's gonna be a great semester, but I see I'm going to have to babysit her for a little bit.  She is so helpless... but hey, What're you gonna do?  I got the brains, she got the looks.

Anyway, we're back in Yuma now for the week.  Fawn is getting married on Friday at the Newport, CA Temple.  I'm so excited for her because she is absolutely the most gorgeous bride slash worst wedding date chooser ever.  Seriously, school starts next Monday.  I'm not going to enjoy the weekend as much as I could have.  It's just so cool though because she is marrying her best friend from high school and we all grew up in the same ward together and it's like we're already one giant family anyway.  I'm just so happy for her.  But it makes me wonder why I have such relationship issues... whatever though.  This blog isn't about me, it's about you.

So my brother gave me a look of disgust today when I told him I'd never played The Oregon Trail.  Apparently it's a right of passage for anyone born from between 1970 and 1990?  Whatever, I'll get around to it I guess.  There's still time.

I had this idea in my head that I was going to get so many books read this summer that I've been meaning to get to, but I actually just finished my first one this morning.  So that was an epic fail.  However, if you were at all curious, Teaching of the Presidents of The Church: Joseph Smith is an absolutely spell-binding read.  It was just a compelling book through and through.  I won't reveal any spoilers though...

Also,  my Linear Algebra professor has taken it upon herself to get the semester's work started already.  I have homework due the first day of class : \  So I started reading my textbook  to refresh my knowledge, and this math textbook reads like a novel!  I love it!  The character development is simply A+,  there's just so many ways to relate to "x" (Haha, math jokes...)  At least I think school is going to go well this semester, again.  I think I have a good attitude about it.

Anyway, I'm here in Yuma for the week with nothing but Chile Pepper and Mostly Muffins to console me.  Also, we're heading to California early to hit the beach and Knott's Berry Farm before the wedding day as if that could possibly make up for this prison of exile.  My life is so difficult.  So I guess this should hold you over for a while... Hopefully funny stuff keeps happening to me so I have entertaining material to right about.  Thanks for reading!

Deuces

*disclaimer* Despite the overwhelming sense of apathy throughout the "tree failing" ( <-- that right there is an ingenious pun on the activity known as tree felling.) story, I am extremely grateful for service opportunities and had a blast at that adventure.  Also, Russell is a great guy.  Super cool...